If I could put the feeling of being single at 30 into one word it would be weird. OK, maybe two words. Weird and hard. It’s weird when your single and your high school classmates are married and having their first and second child. It’s hard when you come home alone from your sister’s house after witnessing the sweet and silly bedtime routine that she and your brother-in-law perform for their girls, only to wonder if and when that will be my life?
When I was in high school, I thought for sure I’d be married by the time I was 27 or 28.
My parents were married at age 24. My sister married my brother-in-law when she was 27 and my brother married his bride at 26 I think?! I can’t help but compare my marital status to that of my loved ones whom I look up to immensely.
Don’t get me wrong, this is not “oohh, have pity on Ellen post”, and I’m not asking for words of encouragement. My life is pretty amazing. I am constantly surrounded by so many wonderful family, friends, and co-workers. I mean seriously, I could not be more loved. And being able to do what I want, when I want is a luxury, compared to that of my family and friends who are locked in to relationships and children. I’m pretty darn good at being independent, but truth is, it gets lonely sometimes.
I’m sharing my thoughts, as well as the thoughts of other writers out there on the single life for thirty-somethings. We’re not alone!
Ali, of Gimme Some Oven, took the words right out of my mouth when I discovered her post on the struggles of the single life:
“I grieve the fact that I didn’t get to experience young love and marriage like so many of my friends, and alongside so many of those friends. I grieve the fact that I didn’t get to meet my husband when we were in the smooth-skinned, wrinkle-free, heads-full-of-hair, bursting-with-energy “prime” of our youth. I grieve that we didn’t get to choose all of our “firsts” together — first city, first home, first set of pots and pans, first Craigslisted-couch, first dog, first car, first broken toilet that we fix together, and on and on. I grieve that — even if I do meet someone — we will in some ways be years behind so many of my peers in experiencing all of those “firsts” of marriage, and being newlyweds, and starting a family, and quite simply just getting to really know everything about each other. I grieve that my age is becoming an increasing factor in whether or not having kids of our own would even be possible. I grieve that there is no one on the horizon.
“No, I think the main thing I feel is just that ache of sadness. Sad that I’m still walking this road. Sad that it is downright exhausting at times doing life on your own. Sad that I have absolutely no idea or hint of what lies ahead. Sad because I would just love the chance to love. Sad that there’s a decent chance that might never happen for me.”
By now, I have come to think globally about the age and look of marriage. In this world today, relationships come in all shapes, sizes, ages, colors, you name it, it’s out there! People are still marrying young like my parents did. People are getting married when they’re old (er). Shit, many people are marrying for the second or third time. I just don’t want to be the old lady who falls in love and marries at age 70. OK, that probably won’t happen, but it could!!!
Sure, I’ve been on many dates, and have dated several guys via Tinder, Match, and eHarmony, and meeting friends of friends, when I thought; is he gonna be THE ONE? I think he’s THE ONE! I can see me having a life with this guy, I really can! GAME OVER. Sorry. It’s not gonna happen like that. At least I don’t think it will for me.
I do believe that God has a plan, and it’s up to me to trust it, and continue my time, now into my thirties, just as I am. Truth is, I’ve been a late bloomer my whole life. I’ve had setbacks, and heck, to be honest, I’m not even all that great at dating! I still have work to do on me, and I’m still learning to accept that that’s OK.
We all have progress to make, lists to check off, and goals to achieve, but God is not going to put someone in your life after those things are complete. I feel like God wishes for us to continuously strive to be the best versions of ourselves, and the love we gain from within will shine for someone else.
I loved this quote I found on a friend’s IG:
“Sometimes the people with the greatest potential often take the longest to find their path because their sensitivity is a double edged sword – it lives at the heart of their brilliance, but it also makes them more susceptible to life’s pains. Good thing we aren’t being penalized for handing in our purpose late. The soul doesn’t know a thing about deadlines.”
Thank you for reading, and I hope this helps others who may feel the same way. We are in this journey together.